Hey guys! today I’m here to clear the air a little bit. This pride month, we've decided to talk about two identities that don't get a whole lot of limelight... While some identities like lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender get a lot more attention (not always a good thing tho since there IS such a thing as bad publicity), identities like aromantic and asexual don't get talked about as much.
Firstly what is that?
I love me a good definition as well as any other nerd out there, so let's get defining!
Aromanticism is a romantic orientation where someone does not experience romantic attraction to others. They can still form deep emotional connections, but most do not seek romantic relationships.
While some aromantics feel no romantic attraction, some people feel it (but rarely) and others even have a way of attraction that doesn’t fit the norm at all! (for example, queerplatonic relationships) But all of these fall under the beautiful umbrella called the aromantic spectrum. They may or may not experience sexual attraction, but experiencing sexual attraction is entirely separate from experiencing romantic attraction.
Here’s a little comic explaining a little about aromanticism!
Asexuality on the other hand is a sexual orientation where an individual does not experience sexual attraction to others. They can still have romantic relationships but don't usually feel the desire for sexual activities.
Asexuality is not the same as abstinence or celibacy. Its not a deliberate choice you make, more like a lack of desire. And just like most things, aromanticism and asexuality are also a spectrum! This awesome comic illustrates how people identifying as can have very different and diverse experiences! There’s this really cool comic too about some experiences of asexual people. Btw, here are some things ace people would like you to know :3
It is important to note here that one definitely should not try and fix them. Remember kids, "no means no". We've recently talked about consent here, so let me take you back a little bit, when someone does not want something (be it any act of intimacy, a romantic relationship, or anything else), LISTEN TO THEM! Aromanticism and Asexuality are not problems that need fixing. (here’s a really important post by the aro-ace community and education club at smith college about allonormativity and amatonormativity)
Just because some people don't feel things the way you think things should be felt, it doesn't mean that they are not equally deserving of love and understanding.
They can still love, care for people and have meaningful relationships.
It’s important not to ostracise certain identities just because they don't align with your perceptions of how you think the world works, especially if you are a part of the queer community, since you probably know best what it is like to feel alienated from your peers and loved ones.
What role does media play in this?
In my opinion, a large part of why we feel that a lack of attraction (romantic, sexual or otherwise) is either concerning or unnatural, is because of our perceptions being shaped by the media that we consume.
Don't know what I mean? let me explain a bit more...
Media (television, books, and social media, etc) plays a significant role in shaping how people see various identities. The representation and visibility of aromanticism and asexuality in popular media can influence public understanding and acceptance.
Most of us have been told (or shown implicitly) from the time we probably read our first book or watched t.v. for the first time, that love is desirable. not only that, but everyone (and yes, they mean EVERYONE) should want it. that works well and good for the people whose ideas of love are portrayed in media, but what of those who don't see themselves in that media? although we are slightly more accepting, as a society, of certain queer identities, there is a dearth of aro-ace representation in popular media. hell, in some cases aro-ace representation is sometimes purposely ignored in fanworks!
Not only is this a problem for people who want to see themselves represented in media and seek acceptance in the mainstream world, it is also a problem for people outside of the aromantic-asexual spectrum who would like to learn more about these identities.
(For some reason, people are not that interested to put 'Indiana Jones in raiders of the lost ark' levels of dedication towards researching things that otherwise they can live without knowing? huh, I wonder why :/)
That is exactly why media representation is important, not only so we can see ourselves, but also so we may get a better understanding of people who are unlike us.
Sexuality includes a broad spectrum of human experiences related to sexual orientation, attraction and behaviour. It’s a complex part of human identity that includes emotional, physical and social dimensions. Understanding sexuality (or lack thereof) means recognising and respecting the diverse nature of people’s orientations and their gender identities, along with realising the influence of social, cultural and personal factors on the person’s experiences and relationships.
Anyways, here's a list of aroace representation in popular media to get you started :]
Okay, but can I even do anything about it?
Actually, yes! you can start by firstly being more open to the idea that people can love in ways outside of what you think to be "love"! (the ancient Greeks believed that there are 8 kinds of love). Don’t hate on somebody just because you love ice cream and they are lactose intolerant. Not feeling sexual urges or romantic attraction doesn't make someone any less human, or even a 'robot'... it just means that they are different, and that’s okay!
This pride month, lets show some love to identities that deserve it, but sadly don’t get to see it very often! remember, love is love <3
Comments